These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises. Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts. Opening up about one’s own personal journey can not only catalyze self-healing, but also fortify others, forging a robust network of support crucial to the healing process. Such sharing of experiences has the potential to greatly motivate and uplift individuals who are traversing comparable challenges. By embracing the 9th Step Promises, you can experience profound emotional and spiritual healing that markedly improves recovery, giving rise to a feeling of liberation and joy. They serve as a navigational tool leading to an existence characterized by liberation, joy, and tranquility.
Facts About Alcohol And Cognitive Impairment
Volunteering or making charitable donations are forms of indirect amends that can be particularly effective when direct contact is not possible with someone you harmed in the past. This could be a grandfather that passed away, or an old friend, colleague, or relationship that is unwilling to meet with you for the amends; a not-so-uncommon occurrence for people like us. It is essential to grasp every nuance of the ninth-step promises of aa. Each assurance offers a substantial transition in our existence, from acquiring new freedom and happiness to overcoming feelings of uselessness and self-pity. Embarking on the 9th step heralds a significant transformation in both emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
Guide to Step 9 and Making Amends
It is different from an apology, which is “a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure”. An apology doesn’t include an action that attempts to make up or compensate for that wrongdoing. That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here. People get tired of broken promises, of forgiving over and over and giving second and third, fourth, or fifth chances only to get hurt again.
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Engaging earnestly with Alcoholics Anonymous’ twelve steps brings these vows into actualization, eliciting significant transformations in our lives. Whether it’s uncovering freedom and joy or honing an instinct for tackling problems and discovering a profound direction in life, these pledges shepherd us toward a richly rewarding existence. Engaging in activities such as volunteering, charitable contributions, and assisting others are ways through which one can make meaningful reparations for previous wrongdoings. Such actions not only aid in personal recovery, but also significantly enhance the well-being of others.
For instance, substance use impacts a parent’s relationships with their children, but making amends to them should never be in a language or explanation which is beyond their comprehension. Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends. Some people on this list may be harder to approach, so readiness is key. https://ecosoberhouse.com/ If willingness isn’t there yet, the program encourages asking a Higher Power for guidance until that willingness arises. One can start with those amends that may be easier and work their way up to the more challenging ones.
When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises. Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again. When you make a real effort to change your past behaviors, you need to make the initial move in repairing broken relationships. These steps mean taking ownership of the past, apologizing for wherever you made mistakes and moving forward from those missteps.
Living Amends – Ninth Step Promises
- However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work.
- In this way, you can take the focus off of yourself and choose to live a life of greater meaning.
- They affirm your decision to make lifelong changes, which has a positive effect on both you and everyone around you.
- A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends.
Notice the words “right to resentment” and “underserved qualities” in there? It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, “abandoning our living amends definition right to resentment . . . “. Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing. Instead, it is an action we take to compensate for what we have done.
- Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill.
- The root of many fears and feelings boil down to guilt and shame.
- It is different from an apology, which is “a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure”.
- Thank you again for taking the time to listen (or read this) and please reach out if you have any questions or feedback in the future.
- The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them.
When describing step nine in the big book it says that “if we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are half way through”, and then it goes on to list the promises. Continue cleaning up the past by making the rest of your amends. After you make a few amends, read the Step 9 Promises (Big Book, page 83) and see if they have begun to come true for you.
Changes in personal behaviors
The reason why it is better to make amends earlier rather than later is based on experience and case studies. Many recovering alcoholics have relapsed when they allowed their fears to block them from completing step nine. For example, Dr. Bob, one of the original founders of the AA program, could not stay what is alcoholism sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt. On a similar note, the sixth and seventh steps give recovering alcoholics newfound humility in order to prevent blame, anger, or self-righteousness during their recovery. The eighth step then helps the individual prepare to accomplish step nine.