We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. They are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Successfully approaching and accomplishing step nine requires the alcoholic in recovery to be willing to go to any lengths to make amends to those individuals whom they have harmed in the past.
Focus on your behavior.
- The process of observing the recuperation in people and providing support is a priceless element within the voyage to sobriety.
- In fact, every day I make a living amends to my husband, son, Mom, and brother Ricky.
- As these individuals adjust their perspectives, positive changes become second nature, allowing them to face life with newfound lucidity and assurance.
- You have to put in the work to repair the damage and heal those relationships.
- Embracing our history without remorse or shame about the things we have done is the essence of step 9 while doing what is in our control to clean it up.
- Acting on this step serves as a potent force for change and encourages taking ownership of one’s actions.
It’s not enough to say to someone that you apologize and feel badly for how you acted in the past. It takes a certain maturity and level of respect for yourself and the person you’re hoping to reconnect with to get past any past issues. Apologies can only go so far in repairing https://ecosoberhouse.com/ past pain, but it’s a place where you need to begin to heal. Make a list of everyone you’ve made promises to that you didn’t fulfill, the people you’ve lied to, stolen from, or hurt in any way because of who you used to be, and apologize sincerely.
- They serve as a navigational tool leading to an existence characterized by liberation, joy, and tranquility.
- Whether you want classic literature, nature study, science, geography, history, art, poetry, fairy tales… there’s something for everyone in this collection of books used in many homeschool curricula.
- The reason why it is better to make amends earlier rather than later is based on experience and case studies.
- However, this future possibility should not keep you from working your steps.
- Giving a person space and honoring their right to feel what they feel about the impact your addiction and the connected behaviors has had on their lives.
- Although step nine can be difficult, participants should remember that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it.
Don’t settle for an apology.
When you cannot directly make up for something to the person you hurt, a living amends is a decision to change your ongoing behavior in a way that is informed by the wrongdoing. Your ‘living amends’ is living in a way that that acknowledges the previous mistake by consistently living in a way that doesn’t repeat it or compensates for it. living amends definition Living amends is a concept linked to addiction recovery and part of the twelve-step program for sober living. In simple terms, it means taking responsibility for the person you used to be and how you caused harm to the people in your life who care about you.
Step 2 – What ‘a Power Greater than Ourselves’ Means
12steppers.org is not partnered or affiliated with any 12 step program or website that we link to. The content available on 12steppers.org is not medical advice and is strictly for informational purposes and is written/reviewed by active 12 step members. In the Big Book of AA, on pages 83 and 84 to be exact, there is a text on the expected results of working step 9 fully and completely. It shows the way in a very real sense, this step is one of the most important ones.
Detailed Breakdown of the 9th Step Promises
I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on. If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze. After all, I hadn’t hurt anyone (Step 8), so I didn’t need to make any amends (Step 9). In fact, every day I make a living amends to my husband, son, Mom, and brother Ricky.
With the realization of how deeply we have hurt others through our addiction, we understand that amends must be made. In this step, we attempt to remove some of the debris created in the past through our actions. Joi Honer directs the operations that support our alumni in their recovery from mental health and substance use disorders. Ms. Honer, who has been in long-term recovery for over 40 years, has worked in the treatment field for over 33 years.
Disappearance of The Feeling of Uselessness and Self-Pity
Those in recovery are encouraged to keep an ongoing ninth step in their life by continuing to pay off debts and refraining from lying, stealing, or cheating. The ninth step is very action-oriented and provides a sense of relief. Although step nine can be difficult, participants should remember that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. It takes willingness and courage to reflect on and find a resolution to your mistakes. If the recovering alcoholic is able to do this, then it demonstrates that they are progressing positively and ready for the tenth step. The guilt for your wrongdoings will eventually dissipate and by making an apology and amends, you will be able to let go and live.
Ways to Make Amends in Recovery
We came from very humble beginnings, and would love to tell you our story of success and recovery. Engaging closely with other alcoholics reveals an effective safeguard against relapse into drinking habits. Embracing fresh perspectives and taking personal accountability becomes standard practice. Our whole manner and perspective undergo a transformation, nurturing positivity and a sense of duty. This alteration bolsters our link to a greater mission, encouraging a life devoid of addiction. Adhering to the 9th Step Promises leads to a dissipation of feelings of uselessness and self-pity.
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Making these types of life changes is difficult and requires lots of hard, emotionally-complex work, but it’s worth all the effort in the end. All types of amends are good, but living amends are some of the best kinds you can make! They affirm your decision to make lifelong changes, which has a positive effect on both you and everyone around you. Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others.
Personal Experiences with the 9th Step Promises
Advancing through the 9th step amends process cultivates a profound appreciation for serenity and enhances our sense of well-being and security. When making amends it is important that you focus on your behaviors only and your amends. Or because of my drug use I ….” have no place in this drug addiction process. Of course, others in our lives had negative behaviors or unhealthy ways of responding to addiction but that has nothing to do with us making amends for our own behaviors. You will lessen the impact of your amends if you water it down with excuses and external blame. It is equally important that you genuinely stop and listen to the other person.